Today was Thanksgiving. It’s the first holiday since you left us. Today is the day people give thanks for all the blessings in their lives. Some people go around the table before they eat the meal that took all day to prepare and tell the others what they are thankful for. I went through my list in my head today. I’m thankful for my children, my grandson, my other family members and my friends. Without them I don’t know how I would have survived these last seven weeks without you.
As we sat down to eat our Thanksgiving dinner tonight there was an empty seat at the table. There was one less person there. The chair you should have been sitting in was empty. The two full plates of food you would have had didn’t get eaten. The pumpkin pie that only you liked didn’t even get cooked because you weren’t here to eat it. I only cooked the apple pie, which you would have had happily eaten along with the pumpkin pie.
There was no sports playing on the television today. There was no yelling at the players on the screen for the dumb move they made on the playing field. There was no nap in the recliner in between our usual late Thanksgiving Day breakfast and our normal dinner time. There was no asking me if the food was ready yet. There was no late night snacking of leftovers from the fridge. None of this happened today because you weren’t here to do any of it.
I realized today that this is the first of the empty seat at the table on holidays. I guess that empty seat didn’t fully hit home with me until today. I don’t know why a holiday is any different than any other day but today, on the first holiday since you left, I felt that empty seat at the table even harder than I have since you died.
I have no idea if looking at that empty seat across from me will get any easier to cope with. I know that no one can ever fill your seat because, well, no one else is you. All I do know is that life feels like a living hell right now and all I want is for you to be back in that empty seat at the table.