Say It Loud

While channeling my spirit guides last year a message came across for me that really surprised me. That message was “Say it loud”. It was a strong message and one that my guides were probably trying to get me to hear my whole entire life but I just didn’t know it. It took me learning to harness the abilities I’ve always had to be able to finally hear this important message.

Interestingly enough, this message came right around the time that something rose up inside of me where I needed to start speaking my truth. It was almost like a switch turned on inside me that I didn’t even know existed. Historically, I’ve been silent and passive on just about everything and I wasn’t assertive at all. I swallowed my words all the time. I was like this for as long as I could remember. It wasn’t in my nature to speak up; it was actually painful for me to do so.

The remarks from teachers on my school report cards over the years said things like “Lisa is very quiet” and “Lisa needs to speak up in class”. Though I was quiet on the outside, I was screaming on the inside because I wanted to be heard. Not being able to speak up makes you feel small. It makes you feel insignificant and like you don’t matter at all. That kind of silence takes its toll on a person and it builds up over time. When it finally comes out it’s like a volcano erupting.

One thing I’ve noticed is that when the historically silent person finds their voice it’s uncomfortable for people who’ve only known them as the person who doesn’t speak up. Many who’ve known me for a long time have had a hard time accepting the fact that I’ve chosen to voice my opinions, especially when it collides with theirs. It’s unpalatable to them. They’d rather have the silent me than have to deal with the vocal me. At first I was offended by this but then I realized that it’s their problem, not mine. I can’t remain silent to appease them. That won’t serve my highest good.

Finding my voice has empowered me in ways I didn’t expect. I don’t let people steamroll me the way I always had before. I don’t cower in fear when faced with adversity. It’s also made me stand up and face head on storms that I ran away and hid from before. If you’ve ever seen the “Fearless Girl” sculpture of the young girl standing in front of the charging bull that’s near Wall Street in New York then that’s what me finding my voice feels like.

The past year of speaking up and out has been very liberating for me. I’ve grown tremendously and I can’t see myself ever retreating back to that place of painful silence that I lived in for more than 50 years. I often wonder how my parents would react to the only one of their children that was quiet and passive finally finding her voice. My mom may have thought “I knew you could do it all along”. My dad may have thought “It’s about time”. One thing is for sure though…..they’d both be proud.