The aftermath of the death of a loved brings something unexpected…..crystal clear vision on some things you couldn’t see before. It’s funny how that happens because so many things during that time are a blur because your grief is blocking a great deal. I think this happens because the things you can now see for what they really are end up being the very things that have no place in your life. Whether it be a person or situation, your new-found clarity guides you to clear them away to protect you.
There have been a handful of people who’ve really shown their true colors to me since Kenny died. Some of them I I already knew deep down how they were, but the empath in me wanted so badly to see the good in them. Some completely blindsided me by what they did. I never saw it coming. Treating a person so awfully who’s in such a vulnerable state like I’ve been in since Kenny’s death is just disgusting. The actions of all of them were quite shocking but I needed to see them. Sometimes people just aren’t who you thought they were all along.
Some of the situations that have presented themselves to me had to happen so I’d learn the very important lesson from experiencing them. I can now say there is a list of things that I will never do again because I did them and they blew up in my face. I’m the one who pulled the pin on the grenade so ultimately I’m responsible. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. If you do what you did, you’ll get what you got. The moral here is do something different so you don’t get the same result as you did all the other times before.
The above things aside, I’ve also been shown the people and things that do belong in my life. They are the ones that I’ll nurture so they continue to grow and evolve into even better versions of what they were before. These are the people and things that I don’t need to wear rose colored glasses to pretend they’re good for me. These are the keepers…..all the rest are the discards. Death doesn’t just take away the living. It also takes away what needs to die in the life of the ones who are left behind.