Kenny and used to go on dinner date nights at Wegmans. We would order a large pepperoni pizza and sit in the cafe part of the store and eat, and then grocery shop afterwards. We’d sit there eating our pizza for a long time, talking about everything and nothing important, all at the same time.
We would also go on dinner dates to get a hamburger and fries at Five Guys and sit in the car in the parking lot and eat it. We’d take our own drinks so we didn’t have to buy the overpriced ones there and I’d also bring our own cloth dinner napkins. I took the Celtic sea salt we use, too, because it’s better for you than the table salt they put in the bag with your food. They have the best french fries there and everyone knows that good salt makes french fries taste even better.
Sometimes we’d have our dinner date in the parking lot of Panera. Kenny would get his usual chicken salad sandwich and broccoli cheddar soup and always spill it on his shirt. He never listened to me when I told him to tuck a napkin in his collar to avoid that. I’d get a big Asian sesame salad with chicken and we’d pass it back and forth in the car to each other to share. He’d complain about how expensive Panera was for “just sandwiches” and say every single time how much he disliked their “hard ass bread” (his words, not mine). It’s funny though, he ate every bit of that hard ass bread every single time.
On other occasions, we’d get ice cream at Coldstone and sit in the car and eat it. We’d park two rows back from the building and watch everyone that came and went because Kenny and I were both people watchers. There was a Subway sandwich shop, Chinese take-out, and a nail salon and massage parlor in the same strip. We’d try and guess which place the people that pulled in the parking lot were going to. Sometimes we’d call our son who lives out of state and talk to him while we ate our ice cream and people watched. When Gage was here after Kenny died, he suggested we go and get ice cream and sit in the parking lot to people watch, just like his dad and I used to do. We did, and it made me happy and sad all at the same time.
As silly as it sounds going on a dinner date to a grocery store to eat pizza or to sit in your car of the parking lot of a restaurant to eat, it was one of mine and Kenny’s favorite things to do together. We really looked forward to it. Over the years it became less important where we went and more important that we just spent time together. We didn’t need anything fancy or expensive to have a nice night out together. We just needed each other, wherever that may be at.
I came to Wegmans to sit in the cafe and eat pizza tonight for the first time since Kenny died. I ordered a small pizza since he’s no longer here to eat twice as much as I do. To say it makes me terribly sad to sit here by myself is such an understatement. There’s an empty hole where his existence used to be. I miss having him across the table from me to talk to. I miss looking at his face that somehow managed to stay so young looking, even after spending his whole life working outdoors in the sun. I miss hearing his voice and the distinctive chuckle-laugh he had. I miss watching him eat his food so fast like he always did, and me telling him to slow down so he didn’t get heartburn. I miss every single thing about our dinner dates together.
I didn’t people watch tonight at Wegmans. I sat at the table in silence while I ate my little pizza alone. I didn’t really know what to do with myself so I sat at the table and wrote this whole blog post on my phone about how I miss having dinner dates at a grocery store and in parking lots with Kenny. I cried some too while I was writing it and hoped no one saw me wiping the tears from my eyes with the brown paper napkins. I cried because Kenny has been gone for nearly 10 months now and it still hurts like absolute hell not having him here.